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ok here it is.
a couple of days before school ended my bf called “break”. i thought it was mutual and i was dealing with it in my own way. i wasn’t fine with it, but i wasn’t completely depressed. now, you must know my stance on the concept “break”. i do not and will not ever believe in a “break”. you can not just take time off from the person you love like being with them is your job. you’re with them because you love them and want to be with them. if that changes then you shouldn’t be together. so i just considered us broken up. it makes more sense in my head that way. so let me continue. even though we were broken up he still texted and called, even more so than when we were dating. not complaining but just don’t make no sense. then once school ended and i moved back home things between us really started to die. they were pretty much non-existant. then his grandmother passed away :( i knew he needed me more than anything. so i was there for him as much as i could be without crossing line from ex to gf. that is very hard just in case you were wondering. i asked him everyday how he was feeling, how he was, are you ok.. and the same response was given to me… “i’m fine”…”im ok”. So i do not pursue it any longer. now, normally if i were his gf i would pry, pry, and pry till i could get something out of him, you know some real feelings. but that is not longer my place. i care about him, but if you don’t tell me how you are feeling right off the bat, i will assume you rather me not know. i am not a pusher when i know someone does not want to be pushed. so today would have been our 4 year anniversary. yeah.. i know. so i felt the need to at least show him i knew what today was without actually celebrating it..so i said “do you know what today is? :)” and all he says is “yes i do”… WTF. so i just buckled down and asked him if he just wants me to leave him alone for good, because he doesnt seem to care to talk to me. he responds with three long text messages that literally tore me apart. He said that lately i have been kind of wack and that doesnt help especially when he has a lot going on. he continues to say that i NEVER ask him how he is feeling and i have no idea what he has been going through because i am not interested. he said i make him feel like he is alone and i am just proving to him more and more that maybe he should be alone. -________- after reading i started breathing again and said FUCK MY LIFE. good job at making me feel like a horrible person. thank you for making me feel like an insensitive bitch. i care about you asshole, how dare you tell me any different. so i digress i apologize and reassure him that he is not alone and that i have not stopped caring just because we are no longer together. he replies with. im not in the mood right now, ttyl. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. what to do now? am i supposed to give him his space like he asks or am i supposed to push and push and read in between the lines? i just dont know what to do :( hmphhh
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